Dream Team: Strength Through Support
"Be strong, be fearless, be beautiful. And believe that anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you." - Misty Copeland
Strength, regardless of what some may think, doesn’t look like doing all the things on your own. Motherhood has taught me this lesson best and it is continuing to show me how true this is especially now with my second pregnancy. Leaning on support, especially during the hard times may leave you feeling surprisingly stronger than you did before.
My first pregnancy with Khairo was easy breezy. No complaints. I called myself the doula without a doula. I remember being told by my doula mentor Latham, at the time, “Romie, even doulas need a doula.” Unfortunately, even though I wanted a doula for myself I went into birth not having one and not doing the same preparation for that upcoming marathon that I would encourage every Journeying Mama to do. During my first birth experience I learned a lot that has helped me support mamas going forward. One of the biggest lessons it taught me is that even a Doula needs a Doula.
I’m sure you all have heard that not every pregnancy is the same. Well mamas, let me tell you this second pregnancy definitely hit different from the moment I got confirmation at 9 weeks. I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions while going from being immediately considered high risk due to a possible diagnosis of gastroschisis for baby during my very first ultrasound that led me into follow ups with maternal fetal medicine, to getting confirmation at 12 weeks that baby was developing nicely, to having to choose against having an amniocentesis due to a potential soft marker for down syndrome at 20 weeks, to now having to work through managing the health of myself and baby daily with my most recent diagnosis of gestational diabetes all while still looking forward to my vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC).
I am here to tell you that through all of this there is no way I would be able to find strength in working towards my birth without support – my birth dream team.
Walking into this pregnancy I knew that I would need what? A doula of course! Remember what I said before,
I would no longer be the Doula without a Doula. There would be no doula-ing of self regardless of anyone’s expectations that “you’re a doula you got this!” I needed someone to keep this doula accountable when it came to focusing on self no matter how much I already knew I SHOULD be doing.
Although advocating for mamas and providing education is what I do best, we as birthworkers need our own advocates as well and should be given the space to take off that birthworker hat. Support this time around looked like building my dream team in preparation for my VBAC. Creating this support team, unbeknownst to me, ended up helping me get through the ups and downs of this pregnancy. I also had to add new providers after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I can truly say I don’t know where I would be without their guidance even with all the education that I have.
Working towards a VBAC is something that I know and constantly express should not be done alone so my birth dream team was already stacked with an all-female cast comprised mainly of mothers. Having fellow mothers ensured nothing was left off the table to be discussed during appointments. They say we need a village to raise a child, but have we ever thought about what our Mama Village would look like? I knew a village would be important for me as it is for all mamas through pregnancy and that 4th trimester that we tend to forget about, postpartum. Going in with this mindset worked in my favor as I was determined to stay motivated and not give up on myself while working through everything on the journey to my VBAC especially with Gestational Diabetes. My strength continues to come from being able to lean on this fabulous team I have created for myself.
Maybe you are pregnant and also trying to make the decision on whether or not you need more than just your partner or just a friend, or maybe you are on a completely different journey altogether and can relate to thinking about what additional support may look like for you. My advice to you is to remember that you don’t have to ever do this alone. There is never too much support. Speak up and ask all those questions to see what aligns with what you feel you need regardless of what everyone may THINK you need. Start thinking about those who will always advocate for you. Lastly, it’s true what they say, knowledge is power, empowering you to feel stronger and get the education you need to move forward.
For those curious, here’s what my birth dream team looks like this time around,
1. Doula, Chanel of Werk Your Birth
2. OB and Midwife, Metropolitan OB/GYN
3. Prenatal Chiropractor, Flourishing Family Chiropractic
4. Pelvic Floor Therapist, Haven Pelvic (can’t wait to share the wealth of knowledge that I gained here)
5. Gestational Diabetes Providers: Dietician & Nurse Educator at Atlantic Health DIPP program
Who will you be including in your support “dream team”?
